I've been sounding like Seinfeld all weekend, spewing too many "Serenity now(s)!!" to count. This is because I've just determined that parents need vacations. Yes, news flash folks. And here are the 10 reasons why I know I need one very, very soon:
1) I'm dangerously close to cussing at my children and not caring one iota whether the public hears me or whether they repeat the words verbatim (yikes!);
2) Cute sayings and phrases repeated over and over aren't so cute, they're just irritating (insert mom guilt here);
3) I raised my voice at the boys at the store today and actually got a "look" from another parent--and was my reaction embarrassment? Oh no, I shot a look right back, like "watchu lookin' at."
4) I keep imagining myself sitting on a beach reading a trash novel drinking a margarita...for a long, long time;
5) Just the words: "But mommmmmm..." are enough to send my blood pressure through the roof and question whether they'll be the recipients of a 4th birthday party--that is, unless it's in a juvenile detention center;
6) I want so desperately to be patient, but my inner frustration with their fighting just makes me want to strap them to the roof-rack of our car and drive in peace;
7) The more they run, the bigger my grin gets because I picture them hibernating like bears... but in the spring;
8) I miss talking to my husband about things besides serial nose picking, whether swallowing a penny will hurt when it's pooped out, and whose turn it is sit on which side at what time;
9) I find myself daydreaming about sleep--any kind of sleep...in a chair, on a bed, in the middle of a room on a towel, whatever; and
10) Because I'm starting to look forward to Mondays--work sounds like a walk in the park!
Now that I've vented--thank you!--did I mention that my boys are only 3 1/2 and really some of the sweetest kids I know? So who's got the REAL issues here...hmm...it rhymes with "tommy"... ;)
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5 comments:
Oh, boy. I'm hesitant to admit I can relate and my kid is only 14 months old! I took him to lunch by myself on Friday and there was a little girl about his age sitting at a table next to us. She was just sitting there so quiet and docile eating her food. HP on the other hand was trying to grab everything off the table in order to throw it on the floor and spitting food (to be fair, making his elephant sound with a bite of food in his mouth). I admit to fantasizing about what it must be like to have a less "active" child. :) It's a really good thing the kid is so charming and lovable. Anyway, hang in there. I think every parent who's honest has been right where you are.
I know it, you love them so, so much, but at times you need something to hold you back from screaming! Good thing they are so darn cute. :)
Thank you for this hilarious and truthful post! After a really hard week with MJ, I needed this laugh!! :) So it's not gonna get easier??? You're one of the best moms I know...and the other lady in the store deserved the "look"...she should totally understand. Us moms have to stick together!
You're really depressing me because I know my time will come soon, very soon! But even now, there are small signs that I might need a vacation soon. Last night I dreamt that Eric and I had the opportunity to go on a week-long cruise at the last minute - but had to just get on board with no clothes or luggage at all. And so we did. Sitting on a deck drinking what I think tasted like something strawberry and vacation-flavored, I turned to Eric and said "I can't make it a whole week without Stella, we have to bring her along." Nevermind that in my dream I wasn't very clear on WHO had her at the moment or where we were getting her from. Eric, as in real life, gave me a series of meaningfully odd looks as I worked through my dream "problem". Wonder what all of THAT meant? :)
I say you start giving looks before you get them in stores.
You guys are the best...glad I'm not the only one dreaming of getting away! Man...at the same time I had a fab weekend with them last weekend w/o almost any "challenges"--I just adored every minute. Guess that's what being a parent's all about. :)
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